ponderings..

it's unbelievably late, or early, whichever way you want to look at it. these four walls that surround me have never seen me through nights like these- slaving over an uninvited assignment, poring over the 13-page article, getting distracted by the ocassional orange msn light, flashing at the bottom of the screen. these four walls are just over a month old, but they have seen so much. it is young, but its depth is remarkable for such a short span of time. how many tears have fallen, how many agonizing hours spent picking hair off the carpet, long phonecalls, painting of nails.. how can one month feel so long.

it's like placing a chipped but brand new vase on a tilted stand. you see two sharp contrasts to it- on one hand it holds up fresh flowers, newly-picked and crystal bright. on the other, it is teetering on three wobbly legs, waiting to fall and break all over.

who am i to pass judgement?

a phase, a period, a downfall of sorts. you can hunt your fears down, only to see it surface again later. maybe little packages of red, brown and of little angels are much needed after all.




sunsets always calm the mind.

mirror mirror on the wall

you know it's time to clean that piece of glass when you cant even camwhore properly anymore.


how come i've never noticed it before?

money matters

when you spend your days on swanston street at places like melbourne central, qv and bourke street, you're bound to find yourself looking into your bag very often. for your wallet. then add victoria market into the picture, and the ocassional bridge road, smith street and apparently, chapel street too. whadyou get?

a personal accounts book, to keep track of your weekly expenses.

on the left page: weekly estimated expenses. on the right page: frighteningly real expenses.

my estimations must really suck, because i never seem to be on track.

victoria market was hit yesterday, for winter clothing and gold handbags. i came out with another necklace, belt, fragant oil, wool jacket and a pyjama jacket. keep a lid on me!! my allowance for next week will consist of groceries, transport and ONE gold handbag. please.

i miss home. i miss 70cents rotis, rm2 maggi gorengs, and rm10 somerset grills. bwaaaa.

im being whiney, i know=] of course it's different here. quality, in various forms. a taste of sunsets and beautiful skies. well-kept libraries, efficient tram system. bigger servings, more space for kilos. independence with a touch of good sense. struggling to find yourself, but always getting lost. huge gardens, dotting the streets. massive campus with an equally massive international student base. late nights, and even later mornings. sun-kissed skin on cold, sunshiney days. vibrance, bursting into every corner of the grid. monotonously-driven, when you settle into a routine.

im still trying.

another set of obligatory pics:

~meldee's 20th birthday!! 040306 at arintji

three roses; wheee!


birthday babe meldee; yummy phaik wah


nigel the charmer, with manda during the day

bite me

the weather finds it way through to you. it bites, curls and crushes what little warmth you have. the chill spares no one.

it's the time of colourful leaves and breezy days.

time also calls for self-discipline, control and good judgement. these three friends flew out the window without even being realized. never take things for granted, the helplessness will haunt you one day. when stuck in mundanity, look for uplifters- planetshakers, tranquil gardens, good songs and fireworks.

it was amazing being under a city of fireworks. the opening night of the commonwealth games was a sight to remember:

the yarra river lit by a beautiful array of fountain fishes and coloured flags

a quarter of the crowd at federation square


obligatory pictures :

~lavish: hot night, fab music.

babelicious sue hui; sweet abby; kevin hottie; yin san cutiepie









that wraps up this round. going for the badminton prelims now!

finding home

i have always been subtly protected in a little edifice of righteousness, with frills of insanity hinting at all sides, poking fun at the unwavering dignity inside.

the word home brings much food for thought. they say home is where the heart is. and yet, where your heart is, there your treasure will be. what are one's treasures? material wealth? cherished moments? achievement highs? family?it could be all, or none. shying away from every differing view, my home, in this context, is a little different.

my home is nothing so fancy. it is about findng innerpeace in a somewhat troubled soul, scarred and marred by many unfortunate events, but embellished by life's little fruits. it is about realizing how only you can motivate your drowning self, set fire for your passions, and find joy in the simplest things.

it is about coming to terms with all the hurt and discontentment, knowing that you can let something either break just one night, or permanently change your life. to forgive someone is an amazing act- the revelation in its power does wonders. it is about knowing your flaws and strengths, accepting the truths and facts about a path that is chosen from our own actions and thoughts. letting go of your insecurities takes a lot of work, but the rewards you reap give you so much more. it is about being absolutely clueless about the future, but knowing that you are mentally strong enough to harbour the threats no matter what. it is about reaching a state of mind that brings calm and gives life simultaneously. it is for these rare moments that i use this word.. contentment.

finding home is more than just delivering rivers of words, more than just a reflective flow of thoughts. perhaps being finally comfortable in your own skin is a little closer to home.

A heart at peace gives life to the body. Proverbs 14:30

girls' nights out

surprisingly, thursdays are highs of the weeks.

in HELP, it was always the last day of classes for the week. which meant McD's ice-cream or maggi goreng at Ali Maju's or movies at 1u or midv. damn, i miss those times. Besides, Ghetto Heaven did many other people's Thursdays good.

Today, i skipped two whole classes in a row!

and replaced them, of course. so i end class today at a grand time of 515pm, tired and brain-dead. But.. it was good. OB tute was fairly fun-we did origami, BF tute was alright- i didn't feel THAT stupid, and hehe, caught up on much-needed sleep in BF lecture.

and how can i forget the fingerlickinlicious egg tarts? $1.20 for 5 measly bites can do wonders for the stomache. the weather wasnt too hot or cold today either - which is perfect!

what have i learnt?
1. that i've never lived in the city before
2. that public transport have their own *entertainment perks
3. waking up late for class isnt as bad as it might sound
4. FOOD. oh glorious food. when u're hungry and tired from a day's hard work, nothing beats coming home to home-cooked pasta. your doing, hui ting.

*entertainment perks= watching this elderly man scream vulgarities at this even more elderly woman who was sitting down in front of him. he was so seething angry he was turning red and i could only figure the poor lady whose back was facing me must be taking it quite bad. the red bulk of anger continued cursing her right till the next tram stop. At this point, the tram driver refused to move the tram unless either one of them gets off. The white-haired woman gets up, trudges slowly to the exit, muttering just-as-great vulgarities and makes a final comeback:
"i should have killed that bas**** when i could." ... such passion, the both of them.


anyway, here are pictures that date two thursdays back:

lavish.

m2 class of 2004 gathering at sofia's. again, fab food.







okay, so these were on friday and saturday respectively. which is still after thursday kay=]

grr, jiyang has pics i want.

a standstill

winds brush by,
whispers of nothing continue.
the glass is gleaming white,
sparking off dazzling smiles
of shine.

green and brown
dust the ground,
rustled and tousled
in the still air
of autumn

the day is young,
but the night beckons,
pulling a ray of hope
from the weakest souls
of today.

i barely breathe
i barely realize
that all this while,
i have been trying to find the light
of life.

count your blessings, im told.
but where are the flowers of spring?

my new home

the past week has rushed past in a breeze of lectures, being late and speed walking. for the record, i stayed awake for the whole of the Organisational Behaviour lecture. they played a Charlie Chaplin old movie called 'Modern Times', meant to mock the repetitive way factory workers were made to live with. HILARIOUS! such entertainment. do you know it's the first time i've ever seen a Charlie Chaplin movie? i had no idea that was how he looked, stumpy legs and moustache and all. i am a fan. i would say more about my other lectures ( Intermediate Financial Accounting, Business Process Analysis, Business Finance) if i had tried harder to say awake.

Otherwise, we visit the new place i call home. room has just been tidied and cleaned, so pictures were snapped up before time does its damage once more. rubbish keeps piling up all over the place, no idea why. the carpet needs to be vacuumed. i need to go grocery shopping. i just changed my bedsheets. i need a super warm jacket for winter. green tea is apparently good for detoxifying. eating apples for fruits every day calls for a change.

my dooor!

..and all that's behind it.














yes, there are photos smiling out at you from every angle. it's these little things that keep you hanging on, especially when you don't have wardrobe doors with notes of humour and inspiration from the people you meet all through your life anymore.

this calls for special mentions-

kev, i believe honey doggie has found its place by my side every night.

jo, the dahlings bottle is an extremely sweet gesture. now i have something else to look at when im 50 years old, instead of yellow-ing pictures.

calvin, what else is better than taking a trip down memory lane, page by page, photo by photo? thank you.

sarah, gi & alvin, your cards, letters and e-mails have showed me how beautiful friendships can be.

now i shall grab whatever that's left of the afternoon to catch up on sleep.