lightheadedness

look how far we've come over the years.
older, wiser hopefully, but still in the same frame.

the camera lens frame.

oh how we've both grown up.

cough.

yeah.

it took awhile, but we finally came to our senses.

like, after 50 shots at least.

maybe more.


*cringe* i cant believe i did the peace sign.
my mind is feigning disgust at the camwhores, but every other bit of my soul is laughing.

when i look back at these pictures ten years from now, i will remember.
and they will be happy thoughts.

mental explosions

in the span of one month, i have been up and down the joy ride so many times that it is getting harder to express clearly into words the true meaning behind life stories.

have you ever felt like you could detach yourself from being in your present moment, look around, and absorb the little spurts of reality around you? to be able to interpret what you see behind an inconspicuous facade?

you know how they say blind people have the sharpest sense of hearing? same concept, except now you're mute but you can still see the world's colours.

intentional acts. that split second expression hidden away behind a laugh. the tilted posture. the unmoving eyes but discreet lips whisperings words in a seemingly nonchalant manner. the observer. the talker. the suppressed. the attention-seeker. the flower. the pearl. the one who tries to prove. the one who doesnt mind being laughed at.

the stolen looks. whisperings behind the hand. backstabbing. head-to-toe analysis, behind your back. forced smiles. small talk. loose handshakes. scepticism. probing. sharing. seeking. wit laced with sarcasm banter. counter checks.

what strikes you iron-hot is that you are no different from them.

even when you know you are more fortunate than many, the hunger for more still remains. because nothing is ever enough isnt it? as long as someone else has a bigger slice of the cake, dissatisfaction lives.

it really is that hard to be the bigger person who stoops down to earn her/his respect yes?

daryl's nick says " What is Victory, but Greater Perseverance? "

it takes an angel these days.

cili padi

we learn life's simplest lessons in the smallest of things.

just because you do not get to play competitive badminton one sunday does not mean you wasted that few hours. you were instead given a chance to practice your strokes, have a good laugh on the court and take things easy. you were driven to sweat it out even more, and that drive resulted in a gym session. all for the benefit of your fitness and mind peace, even if for a day only.

waking up early every morning does not have to be a dread if you dont want it to be. how often do you get to feel the morning without any tension in the air? the smell of freshly-baked pastries pulls you into such a welcoming embrace you wonder why you never did this before. nasi lemak whets your appetite, roti canai entices you completely. all these on the streets of Centrepoint. to think you live just 5 minutes away, and never knew the pleasure of an early morning breakfast. Stacey Kent greets you the minute you enter your senior's car. The airy, breathy voice serenades you into the perfect morning.

What a start.

You actually look forward to tomorrow morning.

Another reason to wake up early, and it is not just to join the rush hour traffic basking in the honks.

Our lives are not determined by what happens to us,
but how we react to what happens,
not by what life brings to us,
but by the attitude we bring to life.
A positive attitude causes a chain reaction of positive thoughts, events and outcomes.
It is a catalyst,
a spark that creates extraordinary results.

thank you.
im trying=]

shreds of nothing

it's like studying like you never have before, cramming every little bit you can into that few hours.. all just to salvage the last paper. you fight relentlessly despite exhaustion attacking your body and fatigue burning your eyes. anything, for this one last shot at redemption.

only to scrape through with the lowest marks.

it's like coming home late after work feeling like the world's weight has been lifted off your shoulders. nothing beats the smell of home-made yong tau fu wafting through the air, welcoming you into the cozy haven of comfort. you havent felt so warm in a long time. anticipation whets your appetite.

except you had to face the wrath of the queen first.

it's like trying to still the oncoming waves from crashing onto the beach. being afraid of standing all alone while waiting for the lrt to arrive, and later being worried sick that there might be another reason why he never picked up the phone. to drive yourself crazy inside, sudden fearful thoughts piercing the short-lived calm.

but the cold words that come out of his mouth pierce your heart before anything else.

i guess if you put too much of yourself into anything, it's almost like giving pieces of yourself away.

hope is fragile; too much of it brings you down sometimes.

i thought i could find my strength in you.

i wonder why i never learn.

two- double o- seven

Merry Christmas and a Happy 2007!

just last month, i was happily threading on the familiar grounds of home.

the settings never change, the lights never stop flashing. some friends change with time, others remain the coolest ever. junk in, junk out. old stories, new tales to share. good fun guaranteed.

just last month, i met hundreds of other like-minded AIESECers in NLDS 2006, Penang.

power-packed rollcalls. energizer delegates. HIV-AIDS training. nightstalk. global village. good food. lousy food. amazing people. sharing experiences, learning, communicating. games. square dances. more square dances. omgosh the dancing! brain-storming. functional workgroups. corporate events. pimping plans. mock elections. AIESEC MBA. telematches. themed parties that didnt work out. OCs, MCs, facis.

one organization, so many miracles.

6 full days with the wonderful UM bunch, and a frontseat view to the world of AIESEC Malaysia.

just last month, i went on a crazy shopping spree in the polluted but wonderful Bangkok.

buffet for breakfast, lunch and dinner. delectable Thai food. S.H.O.P.P.I.N.G. nonstop. sightseeing. river cruise at nightfall, witnessing the lights from afar. magnificent cultural performances. pretty ladies. rubber duckies hehe. falling asleep watching DVDs. being disconnected from the world. quality family time. so much laughter. bliss.

it was perhaps, the closest i've ever been to contentment.

the year has flew past once more, giving us yet another chance to have a brand new start.

Malaysia, truly Asia

in a bout of madness and spontaenity, this is a pathetic but optimistic campaign to propel Malaysia to you. the rubber duckies serve no real purpose but for its cute eye-pleasing effect, at least to me. they remind me of a bathtub.

the land of eternal sunshine and rain welcomes Christmas and New Year with Visit Malaysia 2007 and Cicakman, amongst other things. If you fancy a tan, a mosquito bite (but no stubborn big flies that go for your face!), driving challenges, great food, even greater people and a bustling nightlife, this is the place to be.

all you need is tolerance, a little money and a huge apetite for all things good=]

and that's when you end up looking like little miss me, bloated with the over-consumption of anything edible. exhausted, exposed and elated that im making full use of my summer break.

updates next round.

shots from the past

while i had a rather colourful childhood, there are some things i remember more vividly than others.

i remember standing outside in the rain because i was jealous of the attention my parents gave my brother.
i remember being locked in the store room.
i remember reluctantly taking up mental arithmetic class, only to learn that homework could be escaped through other means.
i remember being teased, and wanting to prove myself more than ever.
i remember arriving late to my Golden Kids News recognition and awards ceremony. flustered and excited, i got my cert from the receptionist who told me it was already over.

i was eleven.

high school was bittersweet.
the teachers hated me, and gladly shared their appalling stories of me to fire my parents' fury.
pity, they could never kick a student out of school when she was a statistic to good academic results.
i had nothing to prove; the combination of frustration and surprise on the teachers' faces was always sweet victory enough.
i loved the track, the volleyball court, the adrenaline rush, the spirit of the team, the determination to win, the roaring support.
i loved rebelling because i hated the rules, even if it spelt more trouble.
i hated going home.
i got used to punishments.
but i never got over the memories.

i was sixteen, but i felt older.

i cleaned out my old books today, two huge boxes worth of textbooks, revision papers and tuition notes. most i threw out, some i kept in my heart. it felt like i was cleaning up my system at the same time.

i swore never to relive the pain.
i swore never to speak of it again.
but the past hunts you down, reminding you why you are here today.

i wish i had the courage to look at it straight in the eye and say i have let go.

even when i havent.

im home!

i've had licking-lapping-jumping sessions with russell and chester, multiple catch ups with daddy and bro, new clothes from mummy =], satisfied my prawn mee craving, bought toiletries, re-enrolled (about time) and burned a feel good CD to listen to while im on the road. im looking forward to my first home-cooked meal at home in 4 months!

this friday has been gooood, even if i dont have my line yet. thank you for all the well wishes, i had a pleasant enough flight considering i caught 4 movies back to back, stopping only for toilet breaks and requests for more peanuts and water. by the time i reached klia, i had a throbbing headache due to the overdose of small-screen tv and loose headphones.

recapping the last few moments of melbourne..

pi

hui wen, jaclyn, phaik wah, liss, jinyin, smalls, kit mey

beach

.. and the countdown ends with a night by docklands. familiar faces at every turn, great company, packed bar, happy people, mediocre music. the westgate towers were so beautiful at night- much like a thousand tinkerbells swirling around the bridge in boundless, perfect unison. they were birds lit by the lights i think. the best eye candy as yet.

i swear im older than i am. or i've gone off the clubbing scene prematurely. or i didn't drink enough. either way, the place looks way better with the lights off. pity i only have a few measly shots at hand.

bbypers, lissoism, piggyoinks. fayelove, you shouda been there.

meldee baybee, it was a great weekend with you by my side.

and ge hui

one night on bourke

pretty lights and three trigger-deprived people after a fab service at planetshakers. thank you joshua, not just for the picture, but for sharing your faith with us.

hui ting's bday bash

Christmas arrives early in Melbourne when the sweetest, coolest housemate celebrates her 22nd the night before i leave for home!

thank you for painstakingly baking cakes and cookies for my poor broken soul during the exams, buying dark chocolate for me, accompanying me on my vitamin and souvenir sprees and being the person you are. i hope all goes well with your future undertakings. will miss you like crazy.

the night before

*heart* vyanne, hui ting, liss