reflections

i find that people jump to conclusions easily, despite claiming to be level-headed and objective. humans are hypocrites, fullstop. even the most virtuous will fall. it's so easy to make assumptions, and even easier to enforce them in our minds. instead of wondering or puzzling over the issue, we implicitly channel the emotions into a self-desired conclusion. we even come up with reasons to back up this conclusion. it's amazing, really, the power of the mind.

worse still, we then start acting upon the newfound deduction, finding resolutions to something we think is a problem. quite unfortunately, problems are never erased completely. you scratch one off the list, another appears. you do your best to avoid conflict, ha, one will hit you smack in the face. the trick is to stand still and put your head above the water.

but who doesnt act on impulse every now and then, who can resist negativity in the face of despair?

as much as i try to, i cant.

i remember stepping into SMK Subang Utama, fresh from the high of scoring 5As in UPSR (i feel old). word had it that this was the school to get into, the renowned SU, keeper of good students and admirable academic results. it was a far cry from sri kl, not just because of the rectangular prison-like buildings and the cemented floor, but also in terms of the mass of students and teachers making up the school. everyone knew everyone, as they transferred in hundreds from the same primary school. i remember being scorned by a Kemahiran Hidup teacher who casually(bitchily) questioned why i was in this school, seeing as i was from a private school before.

and i wanted out.

i never did get out of course, and i now have the most amazing bunch of friends who have kept me going year after year after year. the school itself holds memories of intensive athletic and house training, volleyball practice every afternoon, miling the cemented corridors not wearing a full camisole (and getting reprimanded for that) and having fun mocking people(teachers) at the back of the class for two consecutive years.

but i still didnt learn my lesson.

the first few weeks at HELP University College was hell. to start with, my emotional wellbeing was in jeopardy with the departure of so many friends, and the lectures werent exactly the most uplifting events to attend. to add on to my self pity, i was still in pain from a last minute decision to stay on in Malaysia. the accumulation of these little smacks was messing with my head.

and again, i wanted out.

miraculously, i ended up not transferring to Monash. Instead, i had the time of my life with a bunch of individualistic people who drove me up the wall, called me in the wee hours of the morning, kidnapped me to mamak stalls, making me laugh, smile.. and revel in the fact that i stayed on. i even have a soft spot for the horrible kpd building.

see what i mean? i have a horrible inclination to giving up. im even in the midst of another repetition!

haha, and you'll never guess what inspired this article. it was something i came across today. it wasnt particularly striking or eye-catching. it's been with me these few months, keeping me warm and protected.. especially after cold showers.







the trademark of a wrongfully accused alchoholic, courtesy of you bunch.