November 09, 2006

waterfalls

a broken spirit, a tired soul.

what do you do when you have spent hours of agonizing over notes never read before, and your conscience is heatedly debating whether to hit the sack and call it a night or brave the eleventh hours and risk falling asleep in the exam?

the morning air is so refreshing. the trees wave their green hands over you, welcoming you into the royal exhibition building. calm and soothing, the aura of tranquility embraces you for that few precious minutes.

the walk is so lonely.

what do you do when you have exhausted both your mental and emotional strength, and feel even more drained waking up from a nap? you have already forayed into all comfort food alternatives, and you are too tired to cry out for solace.

you reach a point when you are about as fragile as a porcelain vase balancing precariously on the edge of the table. any fleeting touch brings you crashing down, spiralling into the depths of despair never understood.

you become a baby, maybe even needier. but no one is there to carry you through and cradle you to sleep. 'sweet dreams' is merely a fantasy, a reverie of hope never attained. you stare blankly into space, contemplating a walk outside but fear the cold. your indolence overwhelms you, hindering any movement, any thought, any recovery. physical inertia.

phonecalls do not get through. frustration forces its way through. the sea of helplessness builds.
warmth is absent, comfort is scarce.

lost in time, the seconds feel like hours.

and then a simple are you okay moves you to tears.

suddenly the accumulation of every little insensitive remark, the guilt of unattempted work and the pressure to succeed unfolds into an avalanche of melancholia.

how can you lift the white flag when there is no resolution to end the war?


just breathe and walk away.

3 comments:

LX said...

if the kids in fast+furious live life one quarter-mile at a time. sadly, we uni students live our lives one exam-period at a time, one semester at a time. It may seem bad now, it may seem bad walking in/walking out of those exams BUT... it will all be irrelevant very very soon so CHIN UP... get through it... and keep staring down that light at the end of the tunnel.

PS. call me if u need anything

MaN|acZ said...

all these feelings will be irrelevant when one start work.

so just stay calm. everything will be alright.

liss said...

thanks lx. the light at the end of the tunnel.. cant wait=] see you soon.

thanks maniacz. i know, i've heard so much about being a full-fledged working adult- it's so daunting.