i wish i could paint..

if every stroke could take a piece of me away.
every movement, so languid and full-bodied that the release could free the tension.
the colours, splashed in all directions with no end at all..
freedom like never known before, beckoning across the white canvas.

i wish i could leave at once..
for greener pastures and a new beginning.
but how can i leave in peace, when there is so much that holds me back and stops me from running the extra mile.
for which is the bigger sacrifice,
the possibility of a better tomorrow, or the certainty of happiness today?

i wish i did not care..
because then i would not harbour hopes so high they drove me giddy,
unknowingly inviting the bitter taste of disappointment thereafter.
it's crazy, how i want so much to feel,
and yet loathe the entourage of emotions that keep expectations company.

and yet this is what makes me whole.
this is what makes me who i am today.
why i can lie on my bed and stare at the stars put up years ago..



and marvel at how they still glow in the dark.

i love you, but i hate what you've done to me.

the wounds can only make me stronger.

my Lovely Lace shirt says:

All I need to know about life I learned from my Teddy Bear

[insert pic of cute brown teddy bear face]

~ Hugs are even better than chocolate
~ There's no such thing as too many kisses
~ One good cuddle can change a grumpy day
~ Love is supposed to wear out your fur a little
~ It's okay to let your inside stuffing show now and then
~ Listening is as important as talking
~ Someone's got to keep their eyes open all the time
~ It's never too late to have a happy childhood
~ Everyone needs someone to hold them

funny how it only makes so much sense now when you've been wearing it to sleep for years.