Malaysia, truly Asia

in a bout of madness and spontaenity, this is a pathetic but optimistic campaign to propel Malaysia to you. the rubber duckies serve no real purpose but for its cute eye-pleasing effect, at least to me. they remind me of a bathtub.

the land of eternal sunshine and rain welcomes Christmas and New Year with Visit Malaysia 2007 and Cicakman, amongst other things. If you fancy a tan, a mosquito bite (but no stubborn big flies that go for your face!), driving challenges, great food, even greater people and a bustling nightlife, this is the place to be.

all you need is tolerance, a little money and a huge apetite for all things good=]

and that's when you end up looking like little miss me, bloated with the over-consumption of anything edible. exhausted, exposed and elated that im making full use of my summer break.

updates next round.

shots from the past

while i had a rather colourful childhood, there are some things i remember more vividly than others.

i remember standing outside in the rain because i was jealous of the attention my parents gave my brother.
i remember being locked in the store room.
i remember reluctantly taking up mental arithmetic class, only to learn that homework could be escaped through other means.
i remember being teased, and wanting to prove myself more than ever.
i remember arriving late to my Golden Kids News recognition and awards ceremony. flustered and excited, i got my cert from the receptionist who told me it was already over.

i was eleven.

high school was bittersweet.
the teachers hated me, and gladly shared their appalling stories of me to fire my parents' fury.
pity, they could never kick a student out of school when she was a statistic to good academic results.
i had nothing to prove; the combination of frustration and surprise on the teachers' faces was always sweet victory enough.
i loved the track, the volleyball court, the adrenaline rush, the spirit of the team, the determination to win, the roaring support.
i loved rebelling because i hated the rules, even if it spelt more trouble.
i hated going home.
i got used to punishments.
but i never got over the memories.

i was sixteen, but i felt older.

i cleaned out my old books today, two huge boxes worth of textbooks, revision papers and tuition notes. most i threw out, some i kept in my heart. it felt like i was cleaning up my system at the same time.

i swore never to relive the pain.
i swore never to speak of it again.
but the past hunts you down, reminding you why you are here today.

i wish i had the courage to look at it straight in the eye and say i have let go.

even when i havent.

im home!

i've had licking-lapping-jumping sessions with russell and chester, multiple catch ups with daddy and bro, new clothes from mummy =], satisfied my prawn mee craving, bought toiletries, re-enrolled (about time) and burned a feel good CD to listen to while im on the road. im looking forward to my first home-cooked meal at home in 4 months!

this friday has been gooood, even if i dont have my line yet. thank you for all the well wishes, i had a pleasant enough flight considering i caught 4 movies back to back, stopping only for toilet breaks and requests for more peanuts and water. by the time i reached klia, i had a throbbing headache due to the overdose of small-screen tv and loose headphones.

recapping the last few moments of melbourne..

pi

hui wen, jaclyn, phaik wah, liss, jinyin, smalls, kit mey

beach

.. and the countdown ends with a night by docklands. familiar faces at every turn, great company, packed bar, happy people, mediocre music. the westgate towers were so beautiful at night- much like a thousand tinkerbells swirling around the bridge in boundless, perfect unison. they were birds lit by the lights i think. the best eye candy as yet.

i swear im older than i am. or i've gone off the clubbing scene prematurely. or i didn't drink enough. either way, the place looks way better with the lights off. pity i only have a few measly shots at hand.

bbypers, lissoism, piggyoinks. fayelove, you shouda been there.

meldee baybee, it was a great weekend with you by my side.

and ge hui

one night on bourke

pretty lights and three trigger-deprived people after a fab service at planetshakers. thank you joshua, not just for the picture, but for sharing your faith with us.

hui ting's bday bash

Christmas arrives early in Melbourne when the sweetest, coolest housemate celebrates her 22nd the night before i leave for home!

thank you for painstakingly baking cakes and cookies for my poor broken soul during the exams, buying dark chocolate for me, accompanying me on my vitamin and souvenir sprees and being the person you are. i hope all goes well with your future undertakings. will miss you like crazy.

the night before

*heart* vyanne, hui ting, liss

what if

what if i told you that continuously pushing your way to the front does not get you any further?

it does not make you any more superior than your friends.
it does not make your life more fulfilling.
being centre of attention is not everything in life.
you need to learn how to step back every now and then.

what if i told you that i could see the deceit through your multi-faceted smile?

sheer superficiality.

what if i told you that i can feel the lies behind your one milisecond response lag?

maybe you were caught off-guard.
which is surprising, i thought you would have the rehearsed excuses at your fingertips ready to be expensed at any given time.

what if i told you that i caught the raw emotion in your eyes before you covered it with something else?

im not exactly sure what it was- fear that you said too much of yourself, uncertain about how much you should let on, and whether it would change the way people thought of you.
sometimes, we say things just for the sake of saying it.
mindless, meaningless jargon perfected over time.

what if i could guess your thought process, and sense the deliberated action that came after that?

what if i can calculate your moves before you calculated yours?

what if i told you the truth for once?

happy thoughts

reason #1
the weather today is lovelyy!

i stepped out into semi-cold, sunshiney air.
one hour later, violent winds blew through the city.
how good is that?

i love how the wind blows your hair apart.

reason #2
daddy says: "breaking news from CNN Malaysia. your brother passed his driving test."

*yay* i officially have a chauffeur when i get back!

i bet you cant wait to drive me around nick.

reason #3
money matters look slight better=]

why:
- i finally applied for internet banking to keep track of my (exponentially declining) balance.
- i might just have enough money to last me this week.
- i dont have to steal or live off bread, tuna and lettuce!
- i dont have to watch other people drink in bars/clubs and stare forlornly. i can afford ONE drink!

reason #4
the city has stars all over the place! big and small stars peeking out everywhere! pity im missing Christmas in Melbourne.

and the trees are no longer bald. they're green!


reason #5
someone wrote me a beautiful verse in response to my previous bout of emo-ness.

an excerpt;

Let your friends walk with you.
Together, we bask in the warmth of the sun and in the lushness of the park. Behold the glory of Mother Nature.
We have each other, to calm and embrace.

Let your friends boost you up.
Together, we fight the demons of Guilt, Indolence and Avoidance. And let’s not forget, those irritating minions of Gluttony.
We have each other, for power and persistence; for comfort and solace.

You can count on us,
to watch out for you,
to catch you when you fall,
to pick up the pieces, and of course, you.
When you spiral into the depths of despair that no one can understand, we will still be there, right by your side, ready whenever you are.

sweet joyce.. seen here with thomas who alerts me whenever there is a rainbow! hehe.

what would i do without you guys?

reason #6
guess who im seeing real soon?

the cheeky boy!

and the wonder boy!

reason #7
i have succumbed to the world of music-sharing limewire.
having been deprived for a year, i now have a truckload of rejuvenating and party-worthy songs to add on to the list of distractions.

but it's so good on the ears..

..now it's time to hit the audio lectures once more.

waterfalls

a broken spirit, a tired soul.

what do you do when you have spent hours of agonizing over notes never read before, and your conscience is heatedly debating whether to hit the sack and call it a night or brave the eleventh hours and risk falling asleep in the exam?

the morning air is so refreshing. the trees wave their green hands over you, welcoming you into the royal exhibition building. calm and soothing, the aura of tranquility embraces you for that few precious minutes.

the walk is so lonely.

what do you do when you have exhausted both your mental and emotional strength, and feel even more drained waking up from a nap? you have already forayed into all comfort food alternatives, and you are too tired to cry out for solace.

you reach a point when you are about as fragile as a porcelain vase balancing precariously on the edge of the table. any fleeting touch brings you crashing down, spiralling into the depths of despair never understood.

you become a baby, maybe even needier. but no one is there to carry you through and cradle you to sleep. 'sweet dreams' is merely a fantasy, a reverie of hope never attained. you stare blankly into space, contemplating a walk outside but fear the cold. your indolence overwhelms you, hindering any movement, any thought, any recovery. physical inertia.

phonecalls do not get through. frustration forces its way through. the sea of helplessness builds.
warmth is absent, comfort is scarce.

lost in time, the seconds feel like hours.

and then a simple are you okay moves you to tears.

suddenly the accumulation of every little insensitive remark, the guilt of unattempted work and the pressure to succeed unfolds into an avalanche of melancholia.

how can you lift the white flag when there is no resolution to end the war?

just breathe and walk away.

im living on..

planetshakers.
tea.
coffee.
coffee and cream crackers.
old gold dark chocolate.
lindt's dark chocolate.
lindt's orange intense dark chocolate.
hui ting's cookies.
hui ting's cakes.
hui ting's pizzas.
pocky's.
jellybeans.
orange mandarin jellies.
more tea and coffee.
tim tam quartro.
huge breakfasts.
even huger lunches.
teatime, enourmous dinners, suppers.
chocolate.

i feel a giant belly coming.

HELP!

*gasP* did i just lose my last post? oh my.
i blame the exams.

foxy tales

on the phone last night, daddy dearest dropped a bomb.
" i know what you are. you are a fox."
"i, on the other hand, am a beaver and an owl."

i love his randomness, i love his delightful insights. everytime i talk to him, i'm reminded of why i miss home so much. his quirky and sometimes sick sense of humour makes me happy. his thoughts reflect wisdom gained through years of hardship and determination. i am who i am today because of his unfailing support and strength.

truth is, my dad is the most influential person in my life.

so why am i a fox?
apparently, foxes take things easily, and only do what is required of them when needed to. adaptable, impulsive, and definitely not a planner.
no, nothing about being sly, cunning or sexy foxy. darn.

i looked up the dictionary.
fox
1. a. Any of various carnivorous mammals of the genus Vulpes and related genera, related to the dogs and wolves and characteristically having upright ears, a pointed snout, and a long bushy tail.
b. The fur of one of these mammals.
2. A crafty, sly, or clever person.
3. Slang: A sexually attractive person.
4. Nautical: Small cordage made by twisting together two or more strands of tarred yarn.
5. Archaic: A sword.

foxy fun at the loo

the beaver is a planner. a beaver builds its home for the future. a beaver pops his head up every now and then to survey his surroundings. cautious, organized and alert. the owl makes his catch silently, but surely. a master of its territory, it sees through the tiny loopholes, dark as it may be.


i wonder if the fox can learn to be a beaver/owl someday. the foxerowl in making.

flashing back to what ee lin said in Urban Life, we are governed by our desires and expectations. when we indulge in shopping, MSN, food and the like, it is fuelled by the desire to do so. we expect to come out feeling somewhat better, even if it isnt necessarily for the best of us. if you can channel your desires into something bigger, greater.. He will deliver what you expect.

sigh, chocolate indulgence- the best kind of bad.

life takes a breather

when exams are near.

it's that point in time when everything is momentarily at the pause button, waiting for something to happen.

most of the time, nothing does.

you see the days draw nearer, and as much as you don't want to, you're still moving at a snail's pace. you start taking pleasure in the sights around you; the buildings look taller, the trees greener, the diversity.. even more vast.

teenage school boys plonk down on the steps, along with the bulging bag of books. the lady in front of you is carefully applying her lipstick, except that it's already perfect red. an asian couple is miling the streets, oblivious to the world around them. they dont need to know anything else, their joint hands are already showing them the world. a frail woman sits quietly in her little corner, pouting not because she's upset, but because the lines on her face make her seem so. when she gets up, every step she takes looks painful. tottering on her shoes, she half-sways, half-walks, gingerly making her way down the tram. why is she alone? how can someone so fragile be on her way to victoria market? how does she handle the weight of being on her own, to fend for herself and to stay healthy? are her grandchildren waiting for her at home? are her children working? does she have a closeknit family to be by her side?

the detachment is so surreal that you wonder if people notice. do they think the way you do? can they see the confusion through the composure, the vulnerability behind the steady hand? the steam from the coffee cup can only warm you so much. so many things on your mind, you wish you could just stop thinking. wondering. waiting.

do you even know what you're waiting for?

it's true what they say, things only happen when you least expect it. a surprise wouldnt' be one if you knew it was coming. the same way how results come with persistent effort, and not the lack of it.

in a crowd of people, you're still very much on your own. inner strength is the only thing that's holding up your fall. mess up on the priorities and you mess up on your wants, shoulds and could-haves.

is it possible to know exactly where you want to go, yet still feel so lost?

on a good day, reflections like these make me wanna break out in a run. with sandals, there's only so much you can do. saves a tram ticket all the same.

the experience

you had it once before. the delicate electricity of the moment, too short to capture but long enough to tug at your heartstrings. you drink up the sheer radiance of the taste.. the moment. that slight halt before vapour hits your lips. your heart pumps faster, and you feel that surge of warmth pulsing through your veins. it has been so long, you almost forgot how it felt like. the feeling is unmistakable, it invigorates your senses and gives you that extra spark to live.

if only i could have you every day.

but then i wouldnt be able to sleep at night.

coffee, why do you do this to me?

pictures paint a million words

you're beautiful inside out joyce. thank YOU.

almost a year ago, we were at klpac watching 'girl from ipoh'. i cant believe how fast time flies. i cant believe i'm talking to you right now!hehe. you are selfless, tireless and so patient with me. most importantly, you are always there for me. and you are old, uncle calvin ho! happy birthday!

min dee baybeeee! this was you the same time last year. now you're partying hard in the sun city with high distinctions in your hand. how do you do it?! miss you like crazy. the superloud superhavoc superfun dahling. *hugs* i hope you had a good 20th!

cheeky chang song hits the big old twenty. naughty, fun and full of crap. do not be deceived by his innocence, this one cannot be messed with. a natural athlete, the biggest camwhore, the sharpest tongue. happy birthday!

the bestest korr you can ever get. we practically grew up together- but never knew each other then. you're now 21- and you can only grow wiser from here. i'll always miss your laughter. cheers to you, wei hon korr!

jin yin babe. red-faced drunkard with contagious laughter and crazy jokes. it's been so long since m2 and malacca class trips. good old times. you're the true kinky policewoman! you're worth more than your dimples and easy-going smile. i hope you had a good time in amber, whatever you remember of it=]

tonight, i'm happy with rainbow-filled memories of snickers and roche.. it's almost bliss, if you forget the books just for one restful night.

it's a friday!

I therefore spent Saturday morning flipping through the cookbook and staring lustfully at gastroporn photographs of sinfully voluptuous mounds of pasta, Frenched cutlets lying shamelessly on beds of whipped mash and positive orgies of stir-fied vegetables, with every colour and shape of vegetable piled on top of each other and oozing with unidentifiable secretions.

lovestruck- melanie la' brooy. she has an amazing ability to turn a salad into an instant orgasm. yours, pigs.

because i am in no way fit to start cramming the law jungle of sections or take the much-needed nap due to excessive stuffing of ABC soup, i shall kill (a lot of) time by uploading pictures =] shield your eyes, they might bore you. this is only half the lot btw. if only i knew how to work filexoom (help dan!) , and have them all zipped into one link.

I-BALLers

peiling the pres
sophiaaa
bbypers

spunky shau fun

piggyoinks!
smiley joshua and fayefly
classy pei-fern and sue hui exotica
sweet sam
anthea fellow red
finally a group pic
victorian rhapsody manda
dan the drunk
mr cool matt
yin san cutiepie
glam chien
after drinks
hello rui chiang
princess nicole
hwa loong in a suit

and the Appreciation Bash we threw for ourselves.

chomping down our buffet

fans of the bunny

we couldnt keep our hands off him (i forgot his name!)
yvonne

guilt

is perhaps the worst kind of emotion that can be experienced by humankind.

it is more acute than fear, more lowly than depression, more lethal than anger and longer lasting than anxiety. the only other emotion that impedes guilt from clinching the most powerful emotion title is love.

i was changing in the gym one day and the melody of 'promiscuous' called to me from the tv screen. anxious to find out which artist sang one of my fav songs, i rushed out. imagine the shock of seeing beautiful, im-like-a-bird nelly furtado sashaying seductively to the beat, with a rapper and justin timberlake in tow. i felt a teeny bit disappointed.

and then i mentally kicked myself for judging someone i didnt even know. that's guilt for you. damn first impressions. they never really accurately do justice to someone you hardly know.

so how negative is guilt?

guilt = uneasiness + regret + dispiritedness + unhappiness

its attacks are various; immediately, the morning after or having grown up enough to reflect on the past.

you can feel guilty immediately after snapping at someone who caught you at the wrong time and place.

you can feel guilty the next morning realizing that you weren't thinking straight last night in the fit of rage and ended up saying some rather crude and harsh things.

or, you can look back on your past (relationships, actions, endeavours) and wish you had/hadn't said/done that to someone who actually meant something to you.

there's also the equally disturbing guilt-induced year spent telling yourself to stop procrastinating and start flipping your lecture notes. when you're out partying, or shopping, or doing anything unrelated to your studies, guilt attacks. worse still, it's accumulative and unstoppable. so it's year after year after year of guilt that eats you inside while you make empty promises/ new year's resolutions to never do last-minute work again .

and it never works!

i knew from a very young age that guilt was not to be messed with. i never learnt.

-London's Times Cartoon Archive Science

why im moody

maybe it's because i failed both my midterms and barely passed an assignment.

or it could be the low of returning back to dreary classes with a horizontal learning curve. which means the holidays were too much of a high that i lost the identity of being a student. if i can even be called one.

perhaps it is feeling unappreciated; that all the effort you put in goes unnoticed. and it gets worse when you see other unmotivated people sit around like dummies, ignoring criticism and being thick-faced.

it could be the weather, the low self-esteem, the over-ambitious thoughts and therefore unbecoming results.

it's when you're not being understood, and people jump to conclusions, making assumptions about you when they dont even know the extent of the situation.

what's with all the superficial small talk, fake smiles and forced laughter? bloody hypocrites. we'll all fall someday.

friends? some vary greatly in warmth, some differ in sincerity. some dont even know you anymore. i used to think i was blessed. a fog came and blurred the vision somehow.

and how is it that i have only just printed out my cost mgt assignment when it is due on friday?

the comfort of home seems so far away.

someone mentioned that the character which anne hathaway portrayed in devil wears prada is strikingly similar.

she got so lost in her world that she didnt even realize who she was leaving behind. in the movie, it's never too late.

unfortunately, time never stops for me.

the spring break

holidays are misunderstood.
they are not gaping holes in life meant to be filled with activities.
my cave has been overflowing with so much it's so hard to keep track anymore!=[

[Edited] 2nd oct 2006

The AIESEC Leadership Seminar
although late, watching Jack Shearer in action was hugely entertaining. His take on rendang; "your tongue can be arrested for what it does to your mouth." For the leader in you, it was a must-go. But fret not, another one coming soon in Melb Uni!

I-Ball + Afterparty at Velour
what can go wrong with good food, greater company and free flow of drinks for all the happy people? hehe, i was starstruck and silently nursing sore feet balancing on gold heels. watch this page for pics soon!

Puffing Billy + Tulip Festival + Yarra Valley + River Cruise to Williamstown + Chocolate overload at Max Brenners + Shopping + fantabulicious food
mummy dearest spoilt me silly. have been out of the trigger-happy scene for awhile, but the few days playing tourist brought the mind many memories and tummy much fat. Pictures not yet sent to me.

Photography Exhibition at Fed Square
the environmentalist in me came out from under the tempurung to main mata with pictures to drool over. see the world from above! in particular:

pearl white lookalikes = flamingos dotting the coastline

rainbow over the glacier formed between the mountains

Karaoke + Beach Club
impromptu night that started with AIESECers singing their hearts out, went midtempo with dancing, bounced higher with shotting with joyce adn thomas, and ended with us cold-walking the night.

Great Ocean Road
+ a dozen other touristy destinations we were made to visit. hahah melbourne has scenic sites too! loved the beaches, pictures and the waves, abhorred the heat, sitting right at the back of the bus and lunch.







Paintball @ Echuca
omgosh the suit! and the mask! sweat all around, bruises everywhere. fear traumatised 3/4 of thestudykakis, the rest were happily buzzing around shooting deadly pellets of colour into people's asses. an eventful day; bulk of which was spent on the road. the worst lunch. ever. (why are all provided lunches horrible?) verdict: i suck at this game.


Da Vinci Machines- An Exhibition of Genius
a genius indeed. recommended for the hands-on junkie who would like to get her hands dirty with testable machinery and/or the ignorant who would like to broaden her miniscule knowledge.

I-Games
multi-tasker at her trying best. badminton + volleyball + lousy dodegball combo. interesting day that had all four faculties; Commerce, Law, Medicine, Engineering, working hard to destroy each other in the name of one measly trophy and tons of fun. ICSS triumphed a worthy runner-up. Hurrah!

Royal Melbourne Show
this money-eating funfair frustrated the shit out of softoy-hungry souls and ignited the spirit of rollercoasters. there's a very pretty ferris wheel too. Animal lovers rejoice! watch out for cuddly farm animals and stinky ones. Showbags galore and fireworks extravaganza. If you're lucky, you may go home with a huge soft toy in tow=]




Picasso: Love & War 1935-1945
give at least 2 hours to feast your eyes on pable picasso's artwork and dora maar's photography. the love story that unfolds along with the war. i cannot elaborate on picasso's interesting takes on women and myths as any word i use will be an understatement. see for yourself before the exhibition ends!

..and so the tired traveller rests.