April 29, 2006


two beautiful women hit the big twenty today.

esther phan, woman of strength, passion and uncomparable sweetness. i will always remember your smiles, your sarcasm, your hugs and your fragile, innocent soul.

happy birthday my dear eshhterrr!

piggy cheah, woman of compassion, laughter and bimbotism. you are a wonderful concoction of all things sexay, spice and sugar.

have a smashing twentyyy, girl!

out of control

the wold is moving too fast. time is running away from me.

what happened to integrity, self worth and firm flexibility?

there is too much at stake..the candle is burning fast, almost touching the top of the cake.

someone, anyone, bring me back to earth.

April 26, 2006



noun. a mass of snow, ice and rock that falls down the side of a mountain.

an emotional avalanche happened today. the cumulation of the past weeks' events took to the stage, showcasing their final run that will leave the audience in a state of disillusionment.

lighting sparks have lit fires and tears worth buckets have made minutes stretch into hours. certain instances were caught in snapshots of flash and memory, firmly engraving their presence in the mind and soul. miss nocturnal wakes up in the early afternoons, only to indulge in a rampage of food, bickerings, sight-seeing and love. days pass in a snap of the fingers. there is no end to this, i realize. reality strikes. darkness always looms in unwavering clouds, and the rays of sunlight struggle to get through. and they do.

the best moments in life are experienced without realization.

when we let the little gems slip past our grasp, the realm of despair has never seemed more real. we abuse our own sanity. it's both disheartening and amusing to see how we stray from our values and principles so easily. how we falter without trying, how we let ourselves down time and time again. we want to resist temptation, but the degree of resistance is feeble. guilt runs high, but yet the implications result in inaction. maybe the drive in us has been broken one too many times. maybe we're all weak and vulnerable inside. i break so easily i forget how it is like to stand up anymore.

i dont regret coming to melbourne. i may not be the happiest of souls, but i pray i will come out of this city stronger.

April 18, 2006

a holiday?

easter break is here, finally.

it has been an eventful weekend, no thanks to melbourne's colourful weather. it's only here that you find people shivering in the cold one moment, and the next gleefully embracing the sun which has decided to miraculously appear. it's like the chipsmore advert- now you see it, now you dont! to be honest, what is melbourne without its diversified weather? even gloomier than it already is. the curtain of dark dreary clouds will never part for the sun.

my poor head is throbbing, and every breath hurts. my voice is croaky, and i cant stop coughing. the nights are too cold. i need a heater, because an electric blanket only warms me up on bed. it's 5am in the morning, but i feel like having breakfast!=] of french toast, scrambled eggs and hot coffee. but im probably gonna end up with toast with tuna and tomato anyway.

please remind me to catch up on my work this hols.

happy easter everyone!

~ on one girly sunday.

meldee dear; mirror technology at mekong

bby, meldee, manda; the clock(stopwatch?) in melbourne central

April 12, 2006

self-inflicted pain

omg the agony
coming home with the first hints of gastric
to find the dustbin filled to the brim
and you have no choice
but to get rid of it
along with the empty cans, bottles and cardboard
bearing the smell
the weight
and the cold that hits you when you step outside
and after all that
gastric hits you in full blast
before you even reach the door
plus you have run out of relief pills
even after a huge serving of cereal
it doesnt quench the pain at all
so you stuff yourself silly
with biscuits and fried fishballs
take a long hot shower
and start tending to dinner
you chop the chicken, carrots and mushrooms
and SCREAM when you see
a huge fat squirmy black worm cum catterpillar
crawling out of the lettuce
staring at you straight in the eye
sending goosebumps to the bones
so dinner ends up with no greens
but takes up way too much stomache space
because the gastric keeps working itself up
until you cant even stand up straight
on this wretched wednesday night.

vyanne threw a party for her boy mak:

our place looks so pretty!; part of the food

it was supposed to be a surprise... but he knew!

My lovelies: Hui Ting& Vyanne; Ted

a sharp wish; the enthusiasm

easter bunnies!(the chocolate and human versions)

a price to pay

all that hours slugging off formulas and theories can go down the drain when you arrive almost half an hour late for a one hour exam.

my price to pay.


at least now i know never to rely on the la trobe st tram systems, which will probably get shitloads of complaints from me in this damned april.

i was late. its absence made it worse.

the good of it all? there's a drive in me to recover the loss. the 20% loss, damnit.

April 09, 2006

my babies

a proud mother will always notify the world on her babies' progress.

feeding time.
do not be deceived. mummy pigeons vomit out food from inside their bodies straight into their babies' mouth. i actually saw murky liquid spilling out from their transaction, but it's probably nutrients. disgusting, but very true.

ps-if you already knew that, ignore my ignorance.

fly baby!
i actually dreamt that someone threw the babies off the balcony and they finally learnt how to use their wings. yes, i dreamt of pigeons.

the siblings strut their stuff. ps- they can now fly 2 inches off the ground.

finally, a family picture.

notice how mummy pigeon is significantly larger in size? i thought baby birds grew into adults in a week. i thought my babies were slow learners. at least now i know they're perfectly normal:)

April 05, 2006

picture galore

a r t; the state library and the wonders inside it.

one night at heist- groovy ladies and a raining dawn.


~ i had my first exam today!

it was pouring cats & dogs and we had to wait outside Wilson Hall with our upturned umbrellas barely keeping us cover from the rain. but twas fun, in a masochistic way. having to freeze your hands off while seeing droplets of rain roll down the faces of many, and worry about the lack of warm brain cells to save the accounts paper, and feel half annoyed and amused that it had to rain half an hour before exam started. the weather can make or break your day! despite the horrifying paper, i think it made mine.

~ my bracelet of pink pearls has gone missing.

sob. the worst thing is, it has been missing in action for awhile now.. and i never realized it until recently.

~ my dad is the sweetest man on earth.

even sarah thinks so. ya girl? hehe. while complaining that i put him through the unnecessary task of sending my uni books over, he quietly inserted soft toys and picture frames from my room into the package as well. i was almost moved to tears.

~ i have an eating disorder.

what was previously a '2hours without food=gastric' has now become an 'every hour food craze'. i had a grand total of 7 pieces of bread today, and i dont think it even counts for lunch. i also have a continuous supply of pods, biscuits, cadbury and more pods. some find comfort in eating. i think i' m gonna break the scale. soon.

~ either the washing machine or dryer doesnt like me.

an elle gym pants and pink slacks shrunk, making me look stunted. a few tops have decided to dump me, and go for tummy-showing outfits. hanging my clothes out on the balcony is scary, because there are two pigeons learning how to fly, when they havent even learnt their toilet manners. i would like to think that they're siblings- the black one, the older brother, and the brown one, his younger sister, but i'll never know.

~ i actually brought a diary here but have never used it

i even wrapped it in midnight blue wrapping paper with all the star signs nicely printed on it, but it's been left alone in my drawer for some time. i blame this blog.

~ missing home is so engraved in me that i cant even tell whether it's there.

i miss my pa, ma, bro, chester& russell to bits. i miss my bed, and my bolster. i miss the other half of my clothes left behind. i miss the help bunch, because sparks like them somehow cannot be found here. i miss my dahlings, who are scattered all over the world. i miss you. i miss wasting time anywhere at all in Malaysia, and not worry about the cost.

i think i should go home in june.

April 02, 2006


things take a 360 degrees turn sometimes.

when you find yourself fighting a losing battle, you know you're in for it. what do you do, continue fighting for what you always thought was right? or hold up that little white flag, and retreat back into your shell? either way, you lose. the stab is acute, the whiff of its pain hangs solemnly in the air. what can you do? perhaps there is more room for comfort in the pit you dug for yourself.

when you finally open up, even your innermost thoughts and well-kept secrets can turn their back on you. how do you retaliate against the unbreaking strength of verbal swords? the hit is brutally direct, driving a force straight to the heart. a punching bag, that's what you are. punched when needed, left alone to heal after the rounds.

Two weeks back, two little bundles of joy greeted me with their unmistakable baby squeaks and stumpy clumped-together feathers. what had at first seemed like a pleasant surprise turned into horror-filled amazement at the rate shit seemed to cover every inch of the balcony floor.

the growing culprits...

nestling snugly in their self-proclaimed home.

teng turns 20

for the camwhore in you, happy birthday dahling teng.

the path has been carved out of countless volleyball training seshs, unending photo-taking times and unforgettable moments with you. i awfully miss the good old times, and always look forward to more. cheers babe!

..and because i have no other picture of the two of us, this will have to do.