May 31, 2006

weathering the storm

change is a double-edged sword.

change breaks your spirit, holds you down and then gives you a mighty kick in the ass to spur you forward. dynamism- adapt or be stepped on.

having left behind the comfort of home thriving on idealistic pastures, life on the other side has proven to be interesting. different. thought-provoking. overwhelming.

somewhere in the midst of growing up, i lost myself. and found the necessary bits of sanity to keep me going. the struggles continue, but always with renewed hope and admittedly the ocassional bouts of surrender-ism. but the turbulent cycle always follows the trustworthy sinus curve- a routine, expected and cliched set of ups and downs. looking at it optimistically, every low will indefinitely accentuate the highs that follow.

i never thought id reach the day when i realize i've lived too much in the present. that despite all the thinking, i did not foresee the future looming ahead. who knows what exactly is in store for us? what do we plan to do with our degree, our career, our life? where does this road of self-discovery lead to? delightful episodes of weekend thrills may have made our nights, but it is only short-term. what remains are the memories, and how they can shape our thoughts and guide our actions. how we can maneuver the negativity into passion-driven ideas, work around the setbacks and make the most of our somewhat neglected potential... how we can make a difference.

the vast amount of possibilities that drape the wheels of every decision are mind-blowing.

being a student challenges your time management and academic prowess. being an international student confronts your strength, in more ways than one. i have learnt so much in a short span of 4 months, and it is only the beginning of what must be a lifelong journey.

May 29, 2006

the moment

the sky was ominous, threatening to rain. already droplets of tears were showered lightly down upon the city, casting a mild shadow of uncertainty in the air. two people stood on the edge of the street, patiently waiting for the lights to turn green. the girl was a picture of serenity, her brown hair drifting softly in the wind. from behind, whispers of nothing and everything were imparted quietly to her, soft enough so no one else could hear, but loud enough to touch the heart and complete her soul. an arm hung loosely around her neck, keeping her close and warm, with just the right amount of care. there was no need for her to say anything. the bond was intangible, but very much evident. behind her stood the boy who held her heart. and hold her heart he did.

i am perpetually mesmerized by the beauty in the most effortless moments. watching two souls in connected invisibility, virtually unperturbed by the walking blur of people around them, can instill a sense of calm even in the most frazzled of souls. basking in the instance of mindless, almost instinctive sharing, is perhaps something most of us fail to treasure. i am lucky enough to be enthused by such displays of affection, and even luckier to drown in moments like these with you.

to me, there really is no need for sparkling glitters to light the pathway to heaven. all it takes is a touch of faith and that bit of fervor to make that one second seem like eternity. i could be blindfolded, and it wouldnt matter.

May 26, 2006


behind every face lies a well of secrets, hidden desires and talent.

see that girl with the beaming smile? she cries every night. the nerdy guy up in front isnt just book-smart, he has substance that could put you to shame. a conversation can prove that in no time, except no one bothers. your aunty bakes the best chococolate cakes for you each time she pops over. she sees the psychiatrist every week. your regular fruit grocer who gives you discounts uses his earnings to pay for his sick wife's medical bills.

there is so much that the naked eye cannot see.

i have fallen into the sinking boat one too many times. why is it that first impressions are never right? why do we make our own assumptions based on one tiny detail? why is the deception rate so high, when we claim to be pragmatists inside? we indulge in such entertaining antics that can only show how profoundly shallow we really are.

that itself, is another facade on its own.

humans' ability to conceal and express is brain-numbing. precisely why the act of conveying a message can differ so greatly from one another. and also why various types of smiles- genuine, beckoning, sad, forced, tight, reluctant, playful- have found their way onto our lips. do you really believe in good packages? the ribbon is sealed tight, only few can open the box. the rest are relentlessly fooled into eating the upper crust of the cake. who gets the real deal? most of the time, only family. in rare cases, trusted confidants whose friendships were built on years. the crust-eaters? they get multiple whiffs of fake goodness layered with underlying motives and bad intentions.

im a believer of reality. truths reveal themselves to you only with time.

ride the waves of plays, and prepare to be captivated. we are the best actors, no doubt about it.

~the gardens paving the way for autumn's scatters

May 24, 2006


yin san has a delectable taste for EyeCandY~~

how do you like people peeping in on you in the loos?

peekaboo in the ladies..

and gents!

but the truth is..

haha woman! where you find your entertainment?

May 22, 2006

take me away

when the sky shed its tears
and poured gloom over the city,
where were you?
when i joined its shedding
and saw no end
or beginning
or hope,
where were you?
when there was no salvation
no faith
no dreams
nothing at all,
where were you?
when words were lost
and warmth in need
and the pit kept digging itself
deeper, larger, steeper,
where were you?
when i despaired and asked for attention
or called for comfort
in dependence
and reliance,
where were you?
when the cold seeped in
and robbed everything within
where were you?

when i needed you most..
where were you?

May 20, 2006

five petals

time: 5pm- forever
venue: wooden furniture, QV foodcourt
motive: to study
sidelines: donuts, sushi, burgers, drinks, fruit salads, camaraderie
key driving forces: lilmich, piggyoinks, fayefly, bbypers, lissoism

five little petals, sitting on a bench, T-A-L-K-I-N-G.
five little petals, struggling with their work, T-A-L-K-I-N-G.
five little petals, trying their best, T-A-L-K-I-N-G.

five petals of a flower spent the whole evening & night, EaTinG, TALKING, MuncHinG.

who knew how passionate we could be about health, and all things under the sun?

cancer strikes one in every four.
the reality of facing death never strays far away. the proximity is suffocating, but facts jump out at you. too many lives have been taken far too early. but it's never too late to take that one step forward and equip ourselves with the knowledge.

Ovarian cancer is dangerously subtle. early detection is crucial, but how can one accuse abdominal bloating, eating difficulties, constipation, weight gain, urinary frequency and severe fatigue as a reason to see the doctor? Be proactive, be mindful of little changes in your body and more importantly, be aware. For more information, go to

Breast cancer is appallingly common. again, early detection instills hope in removing lumps of fatality. Look for any changes in: size & shape of breast, skin colour, swelling, inverted nipples or dimpling of skin. Have an open mind, please visit if curiosity gets ahead of you.

The risk of developing cervical cancer is highest for women between 20-29 years old. you need a Pap test, a detecting means that has saved the lives of 70% of United States women. Go for regular screenings to get rid of HPV- a sexually transmitted virus. Or check out immediately.

Leukaemia cancer is also source for concern. White blood cells,while serving as our body's soldiers, may develop cancer. No matter what, anaemia, frequent bruising, infections and abnormal bleeding must be looked into. Make a stopover at if you care about you.

heartbeats soared a little too high for comfort when us sensives (self-made plural of the noun sensitive) hit raw nerves. Perhaps that was what kept us away from our books- our inner child fighting to be heard, to poke awareness and spur our thoughts a little. Can i say it was an informative girly session that created guilt runovers, worry overloads and unusual bonding? it could have been the lighting, the (major) distraction being food, the hordes of people streaming past out 'strategic' table.. or it could be the company.

a company of five full-fledged young adults, exploring and discussing our thoughts in an unstoppably enthusiastic manner.

May 18, 2006

be inspired

When you spend three hours with a 50-odd capacity of females listening to the success stories of five passionate, different and strong-willed women, you're bound to emerge refreshed and brimming with inspiration. Incorporate the free flow of champagne, wine and finger delicacies into the picture, and you will see a sea of feminity indulging in food and drink underneath the intricately beautiful details of the Parliament House.

Welcome to the 2006 womens forum, hosted by the admirable FMAA who managed a full sponsorship from NAB, and endorsement by the University.

One outstanding personality is Nicole Lvingstone, former Olympic gold medallist and co-founder of OvCa Australia. Standing tall in a swimmer's physique, Nicole shared her glory and salt pinches with all. Among others, one significant issue was raised- freedom of choice.

Nicole related a story that struck a very painful chord.

Gold medals at one particular Olympic Games were swept by German female swimmers who were extrordinarily fast in the pool. Not only were they rich in muscle mass, they talked and looked decidedly masculine. In fact, they swam almost as fast as the men. Having seen the remarkable performances of these girls in the pool, Nicole and the other competitors quietly assumed they were on 'substances' to improve performances. Little did they know the bigger truth.

It was only when released reports got out that the painful truth was known. Females generally have a ratio of 1 testosterone to 1 progesterone. Males, naturally, have a ratio of 3:1. The swimmers, however, had a shocking 27:1. East and West Germany were at war then. These girls were victims of a role forced upon them. They were swimmers trained to win, regardless of the cost. These women were required to take 'vitamin' pills everyday. They did not question the reason for the vitamins intake, nor did they have the slightest idea of the adverse consequences that were to befall them. They believed it was just that- supplements. They were fooled.

It was only at the Olympic Games that they realized they were different from the other female competitors.

The right of choice was never given to them. The Olympic gold medals may have been winning runs of celebrations, but no one should ever be subjected to the abuse of human rights. To think that it was manipulated in such a way that such consequences should escape them is beyond comprehending. These women should never have to face permanent mutation of their physical bodies.. and worse still, incapability of ever having children of their own.

The injustice of such a situation brought me close to tears. freedom of choice. Three simple words that hold the world in them.

May 17, 2006

happy vibes

the simplest, most profoundly wondrous things in life are understated and priceless.

take the glass of white wine sitted in front of me, for example. chilled, clear and crisp with just the right amount of sweetness. you take a quick sip, but you cannot help but be drawn to take another. and another. you're fascinated by the perfectly shaped wine glass, and very much hooked on its content. the cost? $13 from safeway's liquor section, courtesy of hui ting.

the taste doesnt linger in your mouth, unlike reds. yet the exquisite flavour makes it special. this unique self-infused sensation curls around your senses, giving a substantial amount of happy vibes that have been sorely lacking in reserves.


May 15, 2006

take hold of the reins

DHT is driving me nuts. the beats just keep on pumping, but i cannot muster the energy to change the song. yes, im too lazy to even take my hands off the keyboard and move the mouse to the windows media player icon at the bottom of the screen.

another monday has come and passed just like that.

the weekly UR summary.

a meeting of seven, sharing, bonding, working. outbursts of laughter, indignation and constructive criticism. high expectations, more pressure. commitment, but how is it measured? it makes you question the drive in you, and how far you are willing to go. develop and build. practice and conquer, with just the right amount of confidence and dedication. intriguing thoughts. to be dissected and analysed with much care. take caution, be prepared emotionally. wise words that will remain empty with inaction.

take a step back, evaluate objectively. mental notes are not to be forgotten.

chris botti- irresistible bliss
dave koz- honey-dipped

calms the mind, injects some sense.

FOOOOOOD!! i am obssessed, officially.

if there were 25 hours a day 8 days a week, would you have more time?
if other instant noodles didnt have MSG, would indomee do as well here?
if i was thinner, had bigger eyes and more intelligence, would i be happier?
if you could take a peek into the future, would you grab the chance?

what happens to the thrill of surprises then? the possibility that something great can happen? that our future is better than we can actually foresee... because inside every single one of us is a fighter.

May 12, 2006

pasar victoria

every now and then, you land yourself a surprise.

side by side in the market, vibrant colours of red, green and yellow grab your attention. the smooth layer of fuji apples tempt you, the cheap bak choys and broccoli remind you to be healthy, the lobster, oh my, tantalizing. the weight on your hands keep increasing. cash outflows persist when the heart is weak. for food. until you realize the fridge might not fit your buys.

selamat datang ke wabak suri rumah. yang termurah tak terhenti-henti beli. yang besar mencubit hati. yang manis lagilah nak makan.

it's so enchanting, really, the little things that make you fly. omgosh cheap grocery shopping gets me high. it's almost as good as watching fairytales!the good ol times, watching in awe and envy as snow white got her kiss of life from her prince..

which brings me to reflect on how the soundtracks to our favourite classics can hold so much meaning..

Tale as old as time
True as it can be
Barely even friends
Than somebody bends

Just a little change
Small, to say the least
Both a little scared
Neither one prepared
Beauty and the Beast

Ever just the same
Ever a surprise
Ever as before
Ever just as sure

As the sun will arise

Tale as old as time
Tune as old as song
Bittersweet and strange
Finding you can change
Learning you were wrong

Certain as the sun
Rising in the east
Tale as old as time
Song as old as rhyme
Beauty and the beast.

currently playing:
peabo bryson & regina belle- a whole new world.
celine dion & peabo bryson - beauty & the beast

the power of language,
as emphasized in today's OB lecture.

May 06, 2006


i find that people jump to conclusions easily, despite claiming to be level-headed and objective. humans are hypocrites, fullstop. even the most virtuous will fall. it's so easy to make assumptions, and even easier to enforce them in our minds. instead of wondering or puzzling over the issue, we implicitly channel the emotions into a self-desired conclusion. we even come up with reasons to back up this conclusion. it's amazing, really, the power of the mind.

worse still, we then start acting upon the newfound deduction, finding resolutions to something we think is a problem. quite unfortunately, problems are never erased completely. you scratch one off the list, another appears. you do your best to avoid conflict, ha, one will hit you smack in the face. the trick is to stand still and put your head above the water.

but who doesnt act on impulse every now and then, who can resist negativity in the face of despair?

as much as i try to, i cant.

i remember stepping into SMK Subang Utama, fresh from the high of scoring 5As in UPSR (i feel old). word had it that this was the school to get into, the renowned SU, keeper of good students and admirable academic results. it was a far cry from sri kl, not just because of the rectangular prison-like buildings and the cemented floor, but also in terms of the mass of students and teachers making up the school. everyone knew everyone, as they transferred in hundreds from the same primary school. i remember being scorned by a Kemahiran Hidup teacher who casually(bitchily) questioned why i was in this school, seeing as i was from a private school before.

and i wanted out.

i never did get out of course, and i now have the most amazing bunch of friends who have kept me going year after year after year. the school itself holds memories of intensive athletic and house training, volleyball practice every afternoon, miling the cemented corridors not wearing a full camisole (and getting reprimanded for that) and having fun mocking people(teachers) at the back of the class for two consecutive years.

but i still didnt learn my lesson.

the first few weeks at HELP University College was hell. to start with, my emotional wellbeing was in jeopardy with the departure of so many friends, and the lectures werent exactly the most uplifting events to attend. to add on to my self pity, i was still in pain from a last minute decision to stay on in Malaysia. the accumulation of these little smacks was messing with my head.

and again, i wanted out.

miraculously, i ended up not transferring to Monash. Instead, i had the time of my life with a bunch of individualistic people who drove me up the wall, called me in the wee hours of the morning, kidnapped me to mamak stalls, making me laugh, smile.. and revel in the fact that i stayed on. i even have a soft spot for the horrible kpd building.

see what i mean? i have a horrible inclination to giving up. im even in the midst of another repetition!

haha, and you'll never guess what inspired this article. it was something i came across today. it wasnt particularly striking or eye-catching. it's been with me these few months, keeping me warm and protected.. especially after cold showers.

the trademark of a wrongfully accused alchoholic, courtesy of you bunch.

May 01, 2006

may arrives

instead of talking gibberish on how i successfully handed up my business finance assignment(finally) at 4pm today*wheeeee*, lets recap april, the month that brought us from summer to autumn.


a cool Thursday night, brimming with people lining the streets, either for the Comedy Festival plays or just wandering aimlessly. many were dressed to kill, others huddled among themselves to generate warmth. i remember flinders lane, seeing icon but not verlour, and waiting for faye to arrive. inside, phaik wah was smiley, dreamy, and hehe,losing sense of gravity. us being us, camera flashes went nonstop. the music repeated itself, but the company- manda, bby, piggy, faye- kept irritation at bay. i remember two giggling ladies getting caught j-walking, and the burly policeman going all macho on a passerby. the night ended on a rainy note(again!), drenching me in cold and racing heartbeats.


two hour bus journeys coupled with insufficient water and the unbearable cold almost took a toll on us. but the experience of being a tourist once again was worth the sorethroat and goosebumps. aloha to the gold mining city at soverign hill and our friends at the wildlife park. you enthralled us with little bakeries and antiques along your muddy roads, licked food off our hands and gave us a great start to the easter holidays.

nicole turns 21

a rushed evening of buying ingredients for the masterpiece and rojak-ing the batter. 2eggs turned into 4, sugar and flour and butter strewn everywhere, chang song the man mixing the lethal mixture into creamy smooth sweetness. the verdict? put 2 guys, 3 girls and an oven together- you get a chocolate cake with vanilla topping for a sweet 21st birthday. the reviews? hushed up for the amateurs' sake. the bday girl? smashing hot in her black and white dress. the food? fab steamboat and green curry by chef of the night manda. the neighbours? one helluva nuisance.

the AIESEC experience

trudging up and down the stairs of the Southern Cross train station with luggage in one hand and mixed anticipation in the other resulted in odd exchanges, fogged with the effects of late night+early morningness. the two hour train ride proved eventless, but a hailstorm highlighted the journey up the hill! but even that paled in comparison to everything else. from the aiesec region-wide chants to the lamest games to the motivating pep talks, state conference 2006 had everyone hooked. for once, something in my life had a direction. self development persisted through learning circles on environmental issues, in depth discussions about internships and witnessing the charisma and strengths of the AIESEC leaders. the UR team rocks- joyce, fei, thomas, jonathan, angela and keat- an amazing bunch. mealtimes were savoured, and the themed casino night was cool. it's going to be an ongoing array of future commitments, but i say yes please.


ample space on a monday night, thankfully the crowd piled in much later. rocky night, but great fun in the end. $5 tequilas, plus a free drink card from derek. a red jin yin was amusing, and we entertained ourselves by imitating dance moves of a lady i have no knowledge of. be afraid, be very afraid. spent a good deal of the night drinking and grooving with kev the hottie, and yet again entertained ourselves with an interactive pillar of knowledge along Queen's street. touch the screen and it shows you the hippest restaurants and interesting bits of Melbourne. technology.

manchester lane

we go retro with old rock hits with the swinging dancers. sexy booties and lively music pump the night, but only to a disappointing 1230am. definitely worth a second try.


figured that a good laugh would do good to the soul. the play; Ridiculusmus- how to be funny, did teach us how to be funny, in a weird, crooked, way. It wasnt a laugh-out-loud banter, more of a distortedly odd display of atrocious japanese, obscene dancing, naked butts and excellent poker faces. not my cuppa tea, but something different doesnt hurt. sophia could be heard giggling away, and i think it's infectious because i laughed after hearing her laugh even when i didnt think it was funny. phaik wah and i were somewhat lost? and disconnected, and came out with our heads at our feet, looking for food=]

melbourne museum

the spectrum of colourful leaves dotting the grass, falling peacefully in step with nature's breath... two words- simply beautiful..

..insightful, refreshing and enriching, the museum isnt just a typical heritage-rich building. you have an art gallery, a mind and soul gallery, insectism, seaworld and a rainforest. breathtaking imagery, intricate details, intriguing thoughts. the perks of being around you made everything a joy.

note: all words have been written in pure honesty and are merely reflections of one's thoughts.