January 22, 2009

what is love?

not a very smart choice to tackle this age-old mire that many try to understand, but fail, and others shy away from. a bewilderment that leaves many questions unanswered, i found some food for thought after a series of events.

i thought that love is about making sacrifices.
about making choices that messes up your plans, vexes you silly and then realizing in an instinctive afterthought that he really is worth your while after all.

love is about plonking down on the sofa next to him and knowing that there's no other place you would rather be.
whether you're tired, moody or overjoyed, he is the first person you're bursting inside to tell.

love is about the million and one sensations that flood your entire being when you're missing his company, and you know it is not just an amatory conquest.

love is when you feel at home even when you're not at home.
because he makes you feel whole.

it is when every other person is playing to an affectation of hellos, and how are yous, but you are consciously being submerged in the ups and downs of a reality show. because things do get blown out of proportion sometimes, and as much as you dont want to, you still cry.

love is about finding time to spend with each other, whether on a long-distance phonecall or just sitting by the sidewalk together, trying to watch the world go by but really just drawing out the comfortable silence.


but i thought wrong.

it is not that the flowers and birthday cards dont matter. like all other relationships, it is not just about how far you can go.. but how much you can take.

can you take the periods of neglect, when it feels like rejection but really is just a busy period at work? can you take the unreturned text messages that fell on blind eyes because studying for an important exam got in the way? do periods of non-communication eat you up inside, and you're tired of being the first to call? can you find it within yourself to understand completely, without expectations, when parents and friends take first place?

love is when every little thing matters, but nothing, absolutely nothing, changes the way you feel even when you know there is more to life than waiting around for the next romantic movie together.

there is no telling how or why or when i will know the feeling.

only the sky is the limit.

January 17, 2009

here in KL

at Legend Hotel, for my parents' 25th wedding anniversary

it's been awhile.

the year spent in China flew by, and before i knew it, i was whisked away back to the familiarity of home. everything about home reminds me of something.

round-table dinners remind me of my teenage weekend family dinners where we always order too much, which speaks for how we still eat too much today. the traffic lights remind me of the hours we spent getting caught in traffic jams, and how Malaysian drivers have a knack for staring at road accidents. at least i know now that China isnt that much different. the shopping complexes always seem bigger, expanding in height somehow, and there are even more brand names to spoil shopaholics all over. turning into my street, i was reminded of how i used to watch little kids chase each other on their miniature bicycles while walking Chester. that was back when us neighbours still caught up for girly chats during evening walks, when time still passed in opportune steps without the lure of the car or night-outs.

there are more wine-chillers in the house, which means more parties and more toasts to come. but alcohol isnt everything anymore. spending time reading a good book with comfy shorts somehow feels more inviting. one day, im gonna travel around Malaysia and know the cultures and cuisines like the back of my hand, just like how i made Australia and China my second homes once.

there's just something about viewing old things with new eyes.

i still love my bed:)