life takes a breather

when exams are near.

it's that point in time when everything is momentarily at the pause button, waiting for something to happen.

most of the time, nothing does.

you see the days draw nearer, and as much as you don't want to, you're still moving at a snail's pace. you start taking pleasure in the sights around you; the buildings look taller, the trees greener, the diversity.. even more vast.

teenage school boys plonk down on the steps, along with the bulging bag of books. the lady in front of you is carefully applying her lipstick, except that it's already perfect red. an asian couple is miling the streets, oblivious to the world around them. they dont need to know anything else, their joint hands are already showing them the world. a frail woman sits quietly in her little corner, pouting not because she's upset, but because the lines on her face make her seem so. when she gets up, every step she takes looks painful. tottering on her shoes, she half-sways, half-walks, gingerly making her way down the tram. why is she alone? how can someone so fragile be on her way to victoria market? how does she handle the weight of being on her own, to fend for herself and to stay healthy? are her grandchildren waiting for her at home? are her children working? does she have a closeknit family to be by her side?

the detachment is so surreal that you wonder if people notice. do they think the way you do? can they see the confusion through the composure, the vulnerability behind the steady hand? the steam from the coffee cup can only warm you so much. so many things on your mind, you wish you could just stop thinking. wondering. waiting.

do you even know what you're waiting for?

it's true what they say, things only happen when you least expect it. a surprise wouldnt' be one if you knew it was coming. the same way how results come with persistent effort, and not the lack of it.

in a crowd of people, you're still very much on your own. inner strength is the only thing that's holding up your fall. mess up on the priorities and you mess up on your wants, shoulds and could-haves.

is it possible to know exactly where you want to go, yet still feel so lost?

on a good day, reflections like these make me wanna break out in a run. with sandals, there's only so much you can do. saves a tram ticket all the same.

the experience

you had it once before. the delicate electricity of the moment, too short to capture but long enough to tug at your heartstrings. you drink up the sheer radiance of the taste.. the moment. that slight halt before vapour hits your lips. your heart pumps faster, and you feel that surge of warmth pulsing through your veins. it has been so long, you almost forgot how it felt like. the feeling is unmistakable, it invigorates your senses and gives you that extra spark to live.

if only i could have you every day.

but then i wouldnt be able to sleep at night.

coffee, why do you do this to me?

pictures paint a million words

you're beautiful inside out joyce. thank YOU.

almost a year ago, we were at klpac watching 'girl from ipoh'. i cant believe how fast time flies. i cant believe i'm talking to you right now!hehe. you are selfless, tireless and so patient with me. most importantly, you are always there for me. and you are old, uncle calvin ho! happy birthday!

min dee baybeeee! this was you the same time last year. now you're partying hard in the sun city with high distinctions in your hand. how do you do it?! miss you like crazy. the superloud superhavoc superfun dahling. *hugs* i hope you had a good 20th!

cheeky chang song hits the big old twenty. naughty, fun and full of crap. do not be deceived by his innocence, this one cannot be messed with. a natural athlete, the biggest camwhore, the sharpest tongue. happy birthday!

the bestest korr you can ever get. we practically grew up together- but never knew each other then. you're now 21- and you can only grow wiser from here. i'll always miss your laughter. cheers to you, wei hon korr!

jin yin babe. red-faced drunkard with contagious laughter and crazy jokes. it's been so long since m2 and malacca class trips. good old times. you're the true kinky policewoman! you're worth more than your dimples and easy-going smile. i hope you had a good time in amber, whatever you remember of it=]

tonight, i'm happy with rainbow-filled memories of snickers and roche.. it's almost bliss, if you forget the books just for one restful night.

it's a friday!

I therefore spent Saturday morning flipping through the cookbook and staring lustfully at gastroporn photographs of sinfully voluptuous mounds of pasta, Frenched cutlets lying shamelessly on beds of whipped mash and positive orgies of stir-fied vegetables, with every colour and shape of vegetable piled on top of each other and oozing with unidentifiable secretions.

lovestruck- melanie la' brooy. she has an amazing ability to turn a salad into an instant orgasm. yours, pigs.

because i am in no way fit to start cramming the law jungle of sections or take the much-needed nap due to excessive stuffing of ABC soup, i shall kill (a lot of) time by uploading pictures =] shield your eyes, they might bore you. this is only half the lot btw. if only i knew how to work filexoom (help dan!) , and have them all zipped into one link.

I-BALLers

peiling the pres
sophiaaa
bbypers

spunky shau fun

piggyoinks!
smiley joshua and fayefly
classy pei-fern and sue hui exotica
sweet sam
anthea fellow red
finally a group pic
victorian rhapsody manda
dan the drunk
mr cool matt
yin san cutiepie
glam chien
after drinks
hello rui chiang
princess nicole
hwa loong in a suit

and the Appreciation Bash we threw for ourselves.

chomping down our buffet

fans of the bunny

we couldnt keep our hands off him (i forgot his name!)
yvonne

guilt

is perhaps the worst kind of emotion that can be experienced by humankind.

it is more acute than fear, more lowly than depression, more lethal than anger and longer lasting than anxiety. the only other emotion that impedes guilt from clinching the most powerful emotion title is love.

i was changing in the gym one day and the melody of 'promiscuous' called to me from the tv screen. anxious to find out which artist sang one of my fav songs, i rushed out. imagine the shock of seeing beautiful, im-like-a-bird nelly furtado sashaying seductively to the beat, with a rapper and justin timberlake in tow. i felt a teeny bit disappointed.

and then i mentally kicked myself for judging someone i didnt even know. that's guilt for you. damn first impressions. they never really accurately do justice to someone you hardly know.

so how negative is guilt?

guilt = uneasiness + regret + dispiritedness + unhappiness

its attacks are various; immediately, the morning after or having grown up enough to reflect on the past.

you can feel guilty immediately after snapping at someone who caught you at the wrong time and place.

you can feel guilty the next morning realizing that you weren't thinking straight last night in the fit of rage and ended up saying some rather crude and harsh things.

or, you can look back on your past (relationships, actions, endeavours) and wish you had/hadn't said/done that to someone who actually meant something to you.

there's also the equally disturbing guilt-induced year spent telling yourself to stop procrastinating and start flipping your lecture notes. when you're out partying, or shopping, or doing anything unrelated to your studies, guilt attacks. worse still, it's accumulative and unstoppable. so it's year after year after year of guilt that eats you inside while you make empty promises/ new year's resolutions to never do last-minute work again .

and it never works!

i knew from a very young age that guilt was not to be messed with. i never learnt.

-London's Times Cartoon Archive Science

why im moody

maybe it's because i failed both my midterms and barely passed an assignment.

or it could be the low of returning back to dreary classes with a horizontal learning curve. which means the holidays were too much of a high that i lost the identity of being a student. if i can even be called one.

perhaps it is feeling unappreciated; that all the effort you put in goes unnoticed. and it gets worse when you see other unmotivated people sit around like dummies, ignoring criticism and being thick-faced.

it could be the weather, the low self-esteem, the over-ambitious thoughts and therefore unbecoming results.

it's when you're not being understood, and people jump to conclusions, making assumptions about you when they dont even know the extent of the situation.

what's with all the superficial small talk, fake smiles and forced laughter? bloody hypocrites. we'll all fall someday.

friends? some vary greatly in warmth, some differ in sincerity. some dont even know you anymore. i used to think i was blessed. a fog came and blurred the vision somehow.

and how is it that i have only just printed out my cost mgt assignment when it is due on friday?

the comfort of home seems so far away.

someone mentioned that the character which anne hathaway portrayed in devil wears prada is strikingly similar.

she got so lost in her world that she didnt even realize who she was leaving behind. in the movie, it's never too late.

unfortunately, time never stops for me.