just because.

why bother
I write because I want to remember. I want to look back 20 years from now, and indulge in reminiscence at past adventures, laugh at once-special lovestruck jolts, see how far Ive come since the days of old reflections, gross humour and childlike naivety. Because hey, if I don’t even know what’s gonna happen tomorrow, how else will I remember today?

I write because I want my friends to know that I'm still surviving little struggles and living big dreams, and well, maybe stuck in an emotional rut sometimes. If they drop a line to say hi and share their own life stories, that usually more than makes my day. As for being too cryptic, it' because I still find the blogsphere too revealing for my own good. To share the more intimate details of my personal life is to be like the rose trees strutting their colours along Beijing's streets, just waiting to be plucked! I both admire and am appalled at those who have no qualms with online privacy.

I write because I want to know what others think about issues that I hold close to my heart. In a way, it also keeps me accountable to my words. I want to hear like-minded thoughts, different opinions and perhaps a whole new aspect beyond what I already know.

Outside The Forbidden City

sunny side-up
There are extremely good moments caught over lunch breaks with some classmates. Like when we had an incredibly meaningful but downright hilarious conversation about what our 最理想的职业 will be. Over the noise and dank atmosphere in the 食堂,we exchanged our thoughts on the ideal profession in a unique language mixture of Chinese, English and Indonesian. More amusing is the volleyball jargon I've picked up from the locals on the courts, a delightful few hours almost every evening.

Weekends are interesting, because there really is quite a bit to do here if you wanna play tourist. From the cultural class trips to Bei Hai Park (北海公园) and Temple of Heaven (天坛), to weekly get-togethers with the city dwellers who live 8 subway stops away, the experience feels more of a growing journey than Melbourne was. There was also the surprisingly successful picnic out at Chao Yang Park with a random bunch of people thrown together on a lovely Sunday afternoon. definitely up for more jianzi, volleyball with a soccer ball and cheese with french loaf!

Picnic at Chao Yang Gong Yuan

Class Outing to Bei Hai Gong Yuan

From Melbourne to Beijing

B8 goes to Tian Tan

mental wars

Then there’s the horrible days where I stuff down half a tub of peanut butter in one sitting, and spend the remaining hours of the day hating myself for that. Only to finish the other half the next day. It's incredibly tiring trying to refrain from puking when your post-meal conscience eats away at your insides.

Being a woman also means it's really easy to come crashing down after a high. Worse still, it hits you without you even realizing it. A lazy meal of porridge, a snippet of earthquake updates, a text from home.. any one enough to render you to tears within seconds. for no apparent reason! am so wired for a rocky week ahead.

Sunset at Chao Yang Gong Yuan

the hike up
Now that I've finally gotten internet credit, I can dedicate time to some serious job-matching. Furthermore, I'm not going to turn on the television for the whole of tomorrow, because waking up to the earthquake updates every day just ends up starting your day on a sombre note. Instead, I’ll turn up Last Night A Deejay Saved My Life (the Fabulous version) to get the body grooving.

And my goodness, no more peanut butter for a month. For real.

If you try hard enough, one day it'll all be alright.

heartbreaking

A blur of scenes playing across the tv screen..

the si chuan earthquake, and the thousands of lives that were lost along with it. Images of children being slowly extracted from underneath the rubble.. some conscious, some barely surviving, many already in the hands of death. the sight of the physically-bruised with their tattered clothes and the emotionally-strung with their helpless demeanour, are enough to render anyone to tears. some parents mourn next to unmoving bodies, some are still hoping for a miraculous recovery. green-clothed volunteers still push on despite the rain, restoring order to a seemingly fallen city. buildings are standing no more, instead there are too many battered souls on the streets, too broken to do much but wish for a better tomorrow..

..as if people around the world werent already busy killing each other with haply spoken words, uncontrollable machine guns and suicidal human bombs. this host of natural disasters swamping myanmar, the states and now china cant possibly be any better.

with closed eyes and an open heart

with a little bit of luck and a lot of faith, i pray that the next 1 and a half months will reveal to me..

happiness and goodwill, for family back home and friends around the world that are sorely missed

peace of mind, that a definite plan will materialize itself in the precarious near future

more of Beijing's beauty, through sights that awe and tastes that satisfy

a greater understanding, of people and the workings of their mind, of the Chinese Language and its intricate but incredible depth

less guilt trips, from the grasps of over-eating, over-spending, and an under-par resolve to stick to the priority list

a new lease of life, from new adventures, new friends and new discoveries that will expand the breadth of which i view life.