mental explosions

in the span of one month, i have been up and down the joy ride so many times that it is getting harder to express clearly into words the true meaning behind life stories.

have you ever felt like you could detach yourself from being in your present moment, look around, and absorb the little spurts of reality around you? to be able to interpret what you see behind an inconspicuous facade?

you know how they say blind people have the sharpest sense of hearing? same concept, except now you're mute but you can still see the world's colours.

intentional acts. that split second expression hidden away behind a laugh. the tilted posture. the unmoving eyes but discreet lips whisperings words in a seemingly nonchalant manner. the observer. the talker. the suppressed. the attention-seeker. the flower. the pearl. the one who tries to prove. the one who doesnt mind being laughed at.

the stolen looks. whisperings behind the hand. backstabbing. head-to-toe analysis, behind your back. forced smiles. small talk. loose handshakes. scepticism. probing. sharing. seeking. wit laced with sarcasm banter. counter checks.

what strikes you iron-hot is that you are no different from them.

even when you know you are more fortunate than many, the hunger for more still remains. because nothing is ever enough isnt it? as long as someone else has a bigger slice of the cake, dissatisfaction lives.

it really is that hard to be the bigger person who stoops down to earn her/his respect yes?

daryl's nick says " What is Victory, but Greater Perseverance? "

it takes an angel these days.

cili padi

we learn life's simplest lessons in the smallest of things.

just because you do not get to play competitive badminton one sunday does not mean you wasted that few hours. you were instead given a chance to practice your strokes, have a good laugh on the court and take things easy. you were driven to sweat it out even more, and that drive resulted in a gym session. all for the benefit of your fitness and mind peace, even if for a day only.

waking up early every morning does not have to be a dread if you dont want it to be. how often do you get to feel the morning without any tension in the air? the smell of freshly-baked pastries pulls you into such a welcoming embrace you wonder why you never did this before. nasi lemak whets your appetite, roti canai entices you completely. all these on the streets of Centrepoint. to think you live just 5 minutes away, and never knew the pleasure of an early morning breakfast. Stacey Kent greets you the minute you enter your senior's car. The airy, breathy voice serenades you into the perfect morning.

What a start.

You actually look forward to tomorrow morning.

Another reason to wake up early, and it is not just to join the rush hour traffic basking in the honks.

Our lives are not determined by what happens to us,
but how we react to what happens,
not by what life brings to us,
but by the attitude we bring to life.
A positive attitude causes a chain reaction of positive thoughts, events and outcomes.
It is a catalyst,
a spark that creates extraordinary results.

thank you.
im trying=]

shreds of nothing

it's like studying like you never have before, cramming every little bit you can into that few hours.. all just to salvage the last paper. you fight relentlessly despite exhaustion attacking your body and fatigue burning your eyes. anything, for this one last shot at redemption.

only to scrape through with the lowest marks.

it's like coming home late after work feeling like the world's weight has been lifted off your shoulders. nothing beats the smell of home-made yong tau fu wafting through the air, welcoming you into the cozy haven of comfort. you havent felt so warm in a long time. anticipation whets your appetite.

except you had to face the wrath of the queen first.

it's like trying to still the oncoming waves from crashing onto the beach. being afraid of standing all alone while waiting for the lrt to arrive, and later being worried sick that there might be another reason why he never picked up the phone. to drive yourself crazy inside, sudden fearful thoughts piercing the short-lived calm.

but the cold words that come out of his mouth pierce your heart before anything else.

i guess if you put too much of yourself into anything, it's almost like giving pieces of yourself away.

hope is fragile; too much of it brings you down sometimes.

i thought i could find my strength in you.

i wonder why i never learn.

two- double o- seven

Merry Christmas and a Happy 2007!

just last month, i was happily threading on the familiar grounds of home.

the settings never change, the lights never stop flashing. some friends change with time, others remain the coolest ever. junk in, junk out. old stories, new tales to share. good fun guaranteed.

just last month, i met hundreds of other like-minded AIESECers in NLDS 2006, Penang.

power-packed rollcalls. energizer delegates. HIV-AIDS training. nightstalk. global village. good food. lousy food. amazing people. sharing experiences, learning, communicating. games. square dances. more square dances. omgosh the dancing! brain-storming. functional workgroups. corporate events. pimping plans. mock elections. AIESEC MBA. telematches. themed parties that didnt work out. OCs, MCs, facis.

one organization, so many miracles.

6 full days with the wonderful UM bunch, and a frontseat view to the world of AIESEC Malaysia.

just last month, i went on a crazy shopping spree in the polluted but wonderful Bangkok.

buffet for breakfast, lunch and dinner. delectable Thai food. S.H.O.P.P.I.N.G. nonstop. sightseeing. river cruise at nightfall, witnessing the lights from afar. magnificent cultural performances. pretty ladies. rubber duckies hehe. falling asleep watching DVDs. being disconnected from the world. quality family time. so much laughter. bliss.

it was perhaps, the closest i've ever been to contentment.

the year has flew past once more, giving us yet another chance to have a brand new start.